NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
