The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
