you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
