I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
