I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
