Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
