She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
