she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
