I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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