my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
