Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
