i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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