dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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