let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
