Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
