Porn is love you can see.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
