I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
