I'm sorry my penis didn't work
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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