Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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