I accidentally had phone sex last night
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
