1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
