Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
