how can u be prego again
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
