fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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