you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
