genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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