Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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