i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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