New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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