We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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