Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
