I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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