You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
