My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize