Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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