Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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