Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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