saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Found the puke drawer
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
