I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Randomize
