So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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