I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
