The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
