I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
