she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
