just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
