I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
