i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
