I want to make a zoo with you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
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He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I touched a dick in church today
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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