my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
