I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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