My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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