I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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