I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
