soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize