Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
