I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
