no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
bring money and cleavage
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
