The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
