just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
