The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
