Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My first STD was from a foam party
I look better un-naked...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
