I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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