even my farts smell like vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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