I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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