Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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