im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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