I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my liver is dry heaving
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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