ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
kristin has been a bad kristin
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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