I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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